My Last Month

It is hard to believe that in a little over a month there will be a little boy in my arms (or girl, won't that be a surprise?). One of the benefits of a scheduled c-section (which should be scheduled tomorrow for sure) is that you know when you are going to have the baby and can really, truly plan. Of course you have to be prepared for an early c-section. Matt can book his week off. Mom can arrange things to come and help. And I can make myself a chocolate advent calendar...

But as it approaches there are downsides to the event. Recovery being the big one. I hate surgery, I hate needles, I hate spinals and I hate that awful feeling of not being quite right after. And then of course I have another surgery in six weeks or so to look forward to. I definitely would not choose a c-section could I have it another way.

Christmas was wonderful and so was New Years. Seeing friends, having parties, eating food and opening presents. I am sad it is over. Yes, it was a lot of fun but the other reason is it helped give me something to look forward to that kept my mind of my pregnancy. Now all I have left is the waiting. And Hadassah's 2nd Birthday.

Happy New Year everyone and I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Just a little longer

But I try not to think about it. Instead I think about Christmas next weekend and how it is already practically here. And after that I will think about the New Year. After that is Dassa's second birthday and then I can think about Baby finally being yanked from my womb (doesn't that just sound wonderful). What I try not to think about is no more sleep, recovering from surgery, making sure Dassa receives lots of love and of course having to have a hernia operation...

Instead I think about getting my body back to a size I am comfortable with, no longer having aching hips and having my hormones quiet it down a little bit. My husband pointed out to me today that he knew we were having a boy because I was so hormonal this pregnancy... I'm allowed to say that but hearing it from him well, I swallowed the angry words rising to my mouth and remained silent.

This will be our last natural child. Perhaps we will adopt or foster in the future but we do know we are done. Do I feel any pangs over this decision? No, not really. Right now the pregnancy is a walk in the park compared to when I was 32 weeks with Hadassah but even that isn't enough. Matt and I feel that two kids is really quite good. The world has got expensive, I am a terrible pregnant person and I honestly don't want to put myself through this again.

It is funny how we change our minds. Before my first pregnancy in the land of sunshine and roses we wanted five kids. During my pregnancy with Hadassah that number dropped rapidly to two. It never went back up. And do you know what my only disappointment is? That I don't get to use all the wonderful names I have! And due to Dassa's allergies I can't even collect cats and name them. Instead I guess we'll have to go with chickens.

I still plan to encourage and harass other people that they should have more kids. So long as nothing has been done to make that impossible I'll be all about other people having lots of babies. Hypocritical? maybe. But if anyone turns it back on me I'll just smile and say: "It is called Tubal Litigation, no more babies for me!"

The Case of the Disappearing November

I was pretty sure November just started and yet on Monday my husband gets his mid month cheque. Not that I am complaining about payday. Actually, I'm not complaining at all it was just a huge surprise. The only anxiety I feel over this fleeting month is I really wanted to have my tree up early and now I wonder if that will happen. Honestly, I am sure someone who is 6mths pregnant will never complain about time going too fast.

February 10th is the latest they will let me go with this pregnancy. That means it is now under three months until baby is born. December is always such a swift month too that really the only month I have to survive is January. And then of course I have to survive having a newborn and a 2yr old.

But, time is going fast enough as it is. For now, I really know I need to focus on enjoying the now. Despite the aching and emotional roller coaster I am. Despite the nausea that persists. Despite a toddler who cannot seem to kick a cold. Despite an overworked under appreciated husband. Despite the financial losses. All these things that bombard the mind and cause such despair.

There are always so many things to be thankful for. We have a beautiful farm. We have no life threatening illnesses. We have vehicles that run. The weather has been mild saving us money on heating and power. I have a healthy child growing inside of me (a friend recently lost her baby at 21 weeks) and it breaks my heart for her. It makes me feel guilty for complaining about any discomforts I may have as my baby is well and thriving). The good definitely outweighs the bad and it is the good that I need to learn to focus on and thank God for!

Yuck!

Sick again. This time with a cold. Nose is plugged, throat a little sore and of course Dassa was off as well. She is truly a little monster when ill. Thankfully today she is feeling better and we can start dealing with the little monster side of her.

Anyways, there isn't much to write because of this, Life is marching on and Christmas is coming quickly.

Christmas... definitely a thought that lifts my mood! I love Christmas. And this year will be Hadassah's second Christmas. I've even had dreams about Christmas gifts we get her (some are pretty crazy... ah, pregnancy dreams)

But, talk of Christmas reminds me that I must get my butt off this couch and get back to the moving in (yes it has been two months and no, I am not even close to finished unpacking.)  Everything must be put away so I can crack out the decorations. That is my inspiration to get things done! So despite the lack of oxygen I am suffering from... here I go!