Have I ever told you?

Have I ever told you how wonderful my husband is? Sometimes I have to remind myself specially when I start getting cranky and critical (a cranky critical pregnant person? Imagine that.). When I feel frustrated with him I try to think of all the things he does right and THANK him for it. Just thinking of it is not good enough.

Like how he feeds the dog every morning and usually empties the dishwasher and reloads it before work. How he starts the fire for me and fills the inside wood box. He doesn't have to do these things and I don't ask. He just does them. He also let's me sleep in with minimal begrudging...

And how last night he brought me home Tim Hourton's French vanilla (yes I drink coffee whilst pregnant) and flowers just to say he loves me.

Yep, he is a keeper and I need to remember that whenever I'm feeling irritated or mad.

A feeling of relief

Yesterday I invited my parents over for lunch. It turned out well and the biggest highlight was that my house is now clean and supper is ready for tonight. Being able to just sit and relax without feeling guilty is so nice. I really should do this more often. I mean, I sit and relax a lot but usually I feel guilty because of all the things I should be doing instead.

I still have a lot of things I could be doing but the fact that my house is clean...

okay, my train of though is completely gone. My daughter just straddled my belly, sat on my hands and started hugging me. And now I can't get back in the flow.  But I think my point is relaxing guilt free is nicer than relaxing whilst feeling guilty... or that is what we'll say it was.

My c-section has been officially booked for Feb 6. I find out what time this Friday... Only one more weekend of it just the three of us. It is really hard to believe it is here. I've survived a second pregnancy! More importantly, those around me have survived though my husband may be scarred.

I am nervous about this but mostly because I hate that sicky feeling you have after surgery. I hate not feeling quite right and I also do not enjoy spinals. Not that I know of anyone who actually does... Last time it was a relief because I was in labour and suddenly the pain was gone. This time I will feel fine. I am also nervous about breastfeeding. I did not enjoy it with Hadassah. It was a year of frustration and though I know that was thanks to allergies I still was very relieved when she weaned herself. I'd like to say I am going to do it because it is best for baby but honestly it is because I don't want to pay for formula. Besides, the whole thing about children being less prone to allergies if they are breastfed seems a mute point to me now.

I would love for everyone to pray that things go well and I recover quickly. And that our son will not have the allergies Hadassah has.

12 Days

Until the baby is here. The date will be confirmed and booked on Friday. The only way it will be sooner is if I go into labour before.

What is new? Well, looks like we may not be naming our child Eugene. It has been up for debate recently. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have any names either of us will commit to that the other person likes. So we are waiting until he is born and then we will see. We get a month afterwards to decide so who knows. Why do boys names have to be so hard? The hardest part about naming a girl for us would be choosing out of many we like. But boy names we apparently disagree on...

So, I think we should go with Lord Septimus.

I am two!

So my little girl is now two. And he can say it too but never on command no matter how hard I try! It is crazy to think it has been two years. And then I think about how in two years I will have a 4yr old and a 2yr old and well time does fly!

Side note: my daughter is trying to copy the samurai dance on Backyardigans... Too funny but she is quite good at doing the suma one foot stomp!

Sorry, back to her birthday. Yesterday we had a big party for her. My mom let me have it at her place and I was thankful for that. I was so nice to have so many friends around and Dassa enjoyed every minute of it. But I must say I am quite glad my children will have birthdays so close together. I'll have a whole year to recover!

We also took Hadassah to the live Backyardigans show in Fort Saint John. She loved it. For her it was the perfect Birthday gift! But boy was it crazy and noisy!

And now there is nothing left to look forward to except having this baby!

It is late...

It is late and I should be sleeping but I can't. I feel drowsy and comfy at the moment so I don't mind. No aches and pains and no RLS (restless leg syndrome). My husband who is fighting a cold is lightly snoring beside me. If I do decide I can sleep that will have to stop. Baby is churning up a storm inside of me anxious to meet the world. I am anxious to meet him too.

What is he like? Some children are so different and some are very much the same. Will he be rowdy and hyper all the time when he is older or will he like to play with toys like Dassa? I do pray that he has no allergies or tummy trouble. I also hope that he isn't shy because though I have to keep an eye on Dassa at all times I really enjoy how outgoing she is. It makes group settings fun.

There are so many things to wonder about. His weight, his personality and his looks that I don't mind already knowing (or maybe knowing) his gender. I love talking to him and using a name. He is as much a part of my life now as he will be after birth. Of course I can't forget about him. I take him everywhere with me and he is a mover so he likes to let me know he is there... often.

I was told at the last ultra-sound that he is going to be a fair sized baby, even being born at 38 1/2-39 weeks. I don't know how right that is but the Gyno figured he would be about 8lbs to 8lbs 5oz. Hadassah was born at 41 1/2 weeks and weighted 8lbs 2oz and was 22inch. She was born looking like she was, an overdue baby. So if anybody wants to start guessing on weight and length go ahead.

A little boast...

Well, as a mother I love to boast about my toddler's accomplishments. While weight gain and athleticism are not something I can boast about I do occasionally have something. (though with me as her mother who expected her to be with her fellow peers in weight gain, or athleticism for that matter?). I can't boast about her speech development either because in one year she has not really learned a lot of words.

I can boast about the fact that she does not spend her day looking to get into things. Something she did not inherit from me. And I can boast that besides more attitude than 21lbs should have she is quite obedient. Still hasn't got out of her toddler bed without me in the room! I can boast about her cuteness (I'd also like to take credit for this specially since Daddy can't protest!). And I can boast about her fine motor skills and the fact she often puts her toys away without me even telling her too.

But that it not what I want to boast about today. Today I want to boast about her drawing skills. Yes, my daughter is an artist in the making. I'll be honest, I don't know what "they" say she should be able to draw but I do know to me she seems quite skilled. She also holds a pen correctly. Since Christmas and buying her skinny pipsqueeks by Crayola and a magnetic board she has really developed this skill. She tries to colour certain parts of her colouring page and she spends a lot of her time sitting with her drawing board on her lap.

Now I know she is a toddler, not even quite two and that this could all change tomorrow. But today, today I boast.

Detox and withdrawl

The time has arrived for Hadassah to be weaned from her soother. It took almost two years to get her addicted to the plug, much longer than expected. For all that time if we saw her thumb in her mouth we told her "no thumb" and replaced it with her soother. Then a few months ago she actually started looking for her "sue" herself and asking for it. She calls out "sue, where are youuuu?" It is very cute but unfortunately she still sucks her thumb. So, sue is just for nighttime and car rides (times when I cannot remind her not to suck her thumb.)


This is where the withdrawl comes in. I try to keep all soothers out of sight but the kid has them stashed everywhere. Ones I haven't seen for ages suddenly turn up in her mouth. And if she happens to see one it goes in her mouth or she cries and reaches for it if it is in sight but out of reach. When I take them from her at times she has bawled as though she has injured herself beyond repair. You would think the child was hurt not merely wanting her "fix".

Most of the time, so long as soothers are out of sight, she is good now. She plays and doesn't even miss her sue. But when I take it from her in the morning or after nap we usually have some sort of protest that happens. It has been rough but I think I do see light at the end of this tunnel.

Since the soother has become a nap time/ night time occurrence I must say it hasn't been hard getting her to go to bed. Some nights she even wants to go to bed early just to have her soother.

And as human being myself who has struggled with addictions I realize that it isn't easy. Reminding myself that her flinging herself on the floor in a fit because she can't have her "fix" is no different than how I feel when God tells me to let something go. Sometimes we do well but then we see or hear or have some sort of trigger that reminds us of what we have given up and then we feel like we are back to square one of giving whatever the addictions is to God.

In the case of an addiction that isn't sin when done in moderation it would often be easier to just give it up entirely. I know if I could take Hadassah's sue away from her and throw them all out it wouldn't take long her for her to forget about them. Of course that isn't really dealing with the addiction as her thumb would just replace the sue. And often, if we don't have a heart change we will just replace the addiction in our lives with something else. For instance a smoker will often turn to food for their oral fixation.

I know their are a lot of wholes in my examples today. For one, some people might not even understand why I am taking my daughter's sue away in the first place. She is after all just a tot and hardly "sinning". But this was just something I got out of the experience. And I am not saying that God doesn't tell you to completely give something up. Nor am I saying that it is wrong to completely give something up. But for me I often feel God is teaching me moderation rather than abstinence in the cases of such addictions as computers, tv, reading, and food.

So instead of not having sweets in my house I choose to have sweets in my house and control myself in how many I eat. It is the harder route for sure but it is where I feel I am at.

To town and back...

Today I had a doctor's appointment so I had to drag my butt out of bed this morning, wake up my grumpy child and get to town. I forgot my grocery list but I wasn't too sad. Grocery shopping at 34 weeks is not my idea of fun and usually after one store I am done, especially when I have Dassa with me. I don't know what I would do if she actually weighed a lot...

Everything is going good. Looks like Eugene (or Eugenia) will be born Feb 3 or 6. So close and yet so far away. Now it is time to get ready. To prepare that hospital bag and to get the cradle set up. I did get some clothes for the going home outfit. So cute.

Just a warning. Most of my posts are going to be about having this baby...  If they haven't been already!

My Last Month

It is hard to believe that in a little over a month there will be a little boy in my arms (or girl, won't that be a surprise?). One of the benefits of a scheduled c-section (which should be scheduled tomorrow for sure) is that you know when you are going to have the baby and can really, truly plan. Of course you have to be prepared for an early c-section. Matt can book his week off. Mom can arrange things to come and help. And I can make myself a chocolate advent calendar...

But as it approaches there are downsides to the event. Recovery being the big one. I hate surgery, I hate needles, I hate spinals and I hate that awful feeling of not being quite right after. And then of course I have another surgery in six weeks or so to look forward to. I definitely would not choose a c-section could I have it another way.

Christmas was wonderful and so was New Years. Seeing friends, having parties, eating food and opening presents. I am sad it is over. Yes, it was a lot of fun but the other reason is it helped give me something to look forward to that kept my mind of my pregnancy. Now all I have left is the waiting. And Hadassah's 2nd Birthday.

Happy New Year everyone and I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!