My bright idea(s)

In the last week I had to ideas. One I can't share just yet (but I want to!) and the other was concerning potty training my daughter.

I always have ideas. Some good some bad and some that never make it past the idea stage. But these two ideas have paid off, at least so far. And that is a good feeling.

My potty training idea had to do with the reward system and dog training (I know, so terrible). I was reading this article about how people take their dogs for a walk and the dog takes forever to do its business This is because every time the dog goes the walk is done and the dog has learned this. Owners think the dog needs to play to "work it out" but he doesn't. He just has learned if he poos fun time is over. Instead, you stay in one place and wait however long it takes for the dog to go. Then you let him run and play. Soon he will go quickly and you can have a scheduled amount of frolic time.

Now, you might be wondering how on earth I applied this to my daughter. I can't exactly crate her or not let her play. and treats didn't motivate her at all. No, i took something from her she constantly asks for. I took tv. And if she pees or poos in the potty she gets to watch 1 show.

Tuesday we put it into effect and had many tears because she "no want potty" and she "want 't'.

Wednesday was a bust until after peeing her pants she sat on her potty and had a poo. I think I teared up a little. Then an hour later she had another pee.

Thursday was a town day with some success in the evening.

Friday was a write off because of parties and townday

Saturday another party but sone success in the evening.

Sunday Daddy had some success

And today while we had some wetting of the drawers (she hasn't quite learned to tell before she starts peeing but she sure can stop it) she did everything in the toilet and was dry through her nap.

God is good.

As to the other idea you'll just have to wait and see.

My small victory

I did it. I am now under 130lbs and happy with my weight. I am not happy with my saggy skin but knowing I lost my baby weight is a wonderful feeling.

For me the biggest thing was moderation. Not cutting things out and then bingeing but cutting back. The biggest thing I cut back on was portion size and carbs. I used to have a large portion of potatoes now I just consciously choose to take less potatoes and more meat and veggies. I was inspired by the documentary fathead but didn't take it that far.

Now that I have basically stopped breastfeeding it has helped. While the breastfeeding does help you lose weight it made me hungry all the time and I would have to mentally portion control in order to not over eat. My appetite has been curbed now and I find I am just not hungry. I take my small portion telling myself I can have seconds and usually I don't even want seconds. I even pass up more of my favourite foods.

I know God has helped me a lot and we all need to find our own ways of weight control. I am glad I found mine. It hasn't been easy but I feel good and I can't wait to get back on my horse!

My Hairy Legs

If you remember I tried out epilating in order to combat my itchy legs. And then I tried not shaving. I epilated once since then, in the summer, and haven't removed the hair from my legs since.
My legs still itch around my ankles but I know they are improved. Epilating is fine but I just never seem to get to it. Shaving definitely aggravates so that is out.

I've often said I wished I was apart of a culture that didn't push smooth legs. Where hairy legs on a woman didn't garner a second look. And then I realized it doesn't matter. There truly is nothing wrong with leg hair. It doesn't take away from my looks. Now that it is frown out it doesn't it. And my husband doesn't care. So why should I shave my legs? Yes, I do prefer shaved legs. I love that silky soft feel when you first shave but let's be honest, it doesn't last long (though it does last longer with epilating.) I am also pretty sure the only reason I prefer shave legs is because that is how we are raised. It is our culture.

I don't think there is anything wrong in shaving your legs. But what started as a fad as become a necessity. Have hairy legs and someone might notice. Didn't have time to shave and wear pants to hide that.

I've decided to change my thinking. It really is easy to do in the winter when you don't wear shorts. I will keep my leg hair. There is nothing "gross" about it.

Before I even made this decision I went to the pool with unshaved legs. Forgot all about them and didn't notice any stares guess when you aren't being self conscious it helps.

Now, let's see if I can pull this off. Or if I can change my thinking concerning my armpits as well...

My Kitchen Part III

At this point I would be happy with my kitchen. But the whole makeover started with new flooring purchase so I better wait for that. And perhaps a new sink and my new cooktop and oven. Not that I mind the looks of my "retro" one but a working oven is always helpful. (Currently my oven is useful though as a stash spot for things I don't want the kitten getting into.
remember my old kitchen?

Now it looks like this

old

new

And by my mom's suggestion it spilled over into my living room.

old

new (I know just cleaning it helps too)

I will try to add more before photos of my living room once the flooring is in. Right now I have two hungry children hanging all over me and driving me crazy. Also, I love comments but unfortunately I am really terrible at the silly security codes google has and so I rarely fight with them in order to leave any comments. 

My best friend

Once again, a close friend of mine has moved away. I hate being left behind. And the knowledge that things will never be the same is hard to accept at first. But I know from experience things will change and you will grow apart. It is a necessary part of life. If the person who leaves holds on too tight they will never move forward with their life but rather be held back by what once they loved.

There is nothing good about being left behind. Everyone around you is the same so suddenly you find yourself without a place to go hang out or without a friend to make plans with. And you also know that when they return to visit they will be too busy visiting immediate family that you will be lucky to get an hour.

I also suck at long distance relationships. It isn't that I forget the person it is usually just that I have so much to say I can't get it all down in an email or phone call. Or I can't fin stationary to write an old fashioned letter (sorry 'bout that)

Losing the two people (one expected on unexpected) I hang out with in the last few months has shaken me. I know I can look at it as some great opportunity to grow closer to God and my little family. In reality at this point I just feel lonely and heartbroken.

On a more cheerful note I got my kitchen wallpaper.

Today I was right.

Let me tell you a little story. Usually when it comes to "discussions" between my darling husband and I, I am wrong. It gets tiring. So when I am right I generally do a little dance and gloat. Normally I keep the gloating and dancing in the privacy of our home but as this time was humerous I am going to share.

We have a tin roof. Because of this when the snow does build up on it it falls off in a giant sheet. This morning due to pouring rain it was beginning to slide. Wet icy snow creeping like a glacier off the roof and towards our truck parked beside the house.

My husband had stepped outside for a moment an so I suggested he move the truck before the snow fell. He of course did not as it wasn't necessary yet. No heated words followed but iI made it clear I thought he was making a mistake and he made it clear I wasn't the boss of him.

He comes inside and minutes later while we are standing beside the window that overlooks our truck a rumble starts an the giant sheet of snow falls on our poor truck, rocking it back and forth, denting it, bending our box cover down and plastering it with the very sludgy snow.

I laughed. I danced. I was not very mature. My husband went outside to move it (still not sure why as there was no snow on that section of roof anymore) and to shovel the snow off it. The dents were pushed out an the box cover bent back. And I got to say "I told you so" and he was fine with me telling the story as he saw how humorous it was.

Only one tiny chunk of snow fell off our roof the rest of the day besides the stretch directly above our truck. Some of you might think I'm being kind of mean but if you yourself rarely are right you understand where I'm coming from.

My Kitchen Part II

Cupboard doors were hung today! I'm loving it and looking forward to my new floor and walls. And hopefully counter top!

My little kitchen

Some click-lock flooring came onsale that I adore so we bought enough to do the kitchen/livingroom/hallway in it. My wonderful mother saw this as an opportunity to sink her teeth into what was my rather trailer-like kitchen. So for our Christmas present she bough paint and redid my cabinets for me. This is a work in progress. Things are getting done in stages. My cupboards are slab doors and I imagine grooves being put in them so they looked like plank doors. A little wider than beaded. My mother and her ability to use power tools got the lines in and they look great. Can't wait to see them hung!

My first grey hair

Today I plucked from my head what appeared to be the first grey hair of many. I was not sad or concerned, just curious to see it up close. I'm young still. Younger than I feel I should be and grey hair doesn't bother me.

Upon closer inspection the hair appeared to be blonde on the end possibly from sun bleaching. But because i couldn't tell for certain we are going with grey.

If my friends jumped off a bridge...

I would too. Well at least I blog when they blog.
I won't give excuses for not blogging. Honestly, I just don't think I am as witty in writing as I want to be.

A lot has happened. O is crawling, Dassa is blatantly refusing to even try to use the potty. I reached my weight loss goal an that feels great. I'm down to 133lbs. Hopefully I keep it off when I am completely done breastfeeding. The O is pretty much self weaned. In fact, if I wished he could be right on formula. He decided he liked the bottle as he doesn't have to work as hard.

I was going to write more. Share the really difficult season I am in but Dassa is draped across my lap and O has crawled over and his clinging to my legs. As usual, they win.

Confessions of a psychopath

I'm not really a psycho I just feel like it some days. Specially when my little one fusses every time I set him down. His screeching is a kin to nails being drug down a chalkboard.

The truth of it is I am dealing with postpartum depression. I don't know if my tubal ligation contributed to it or of it is really hormonal or just being too overwhelmed with life. So i have let go off my garage saleing for now. Honestly, I can't really go anyways as we have had family up and next weekend i have a horse show to attend.

The good news is I am 140lbs. Only 5lbs away from my goal of being 135 by the end of summer. I don't think I'll be quite there as i consider the end of august the end of summer but close!

I really am going to start a new blog. But Google decided it didn't like me (or possibly anyone) so I couldn't. I couldn't even log in to reply to comments.

The blog is going to be chronicling my journey through buying and selling.

In other news... I'm down to 153lbs. YAY.

Ideas?

So I am starting a new blog... I know, I am so faithful posting on this one. Anyways. I am going to start a blog dedicated to my garage saleing, kijiji shopping, Facebook buy and sell and the auctioning the items off. Some I am also turning into projects. So ideas?

Baby, toddler, daddy 'n me!

Life has its ups and downs but I really don't have much to complain about. The good news is I am down 10lbs. Having surgery on my hernia seemed to kick start my metabolism.

While I lose weight Owen picks it up. The little guy is the same weight his sister was at 9months. It is lovely having a chubby child.

A friend and I had a discussion on how it isn't fair that the things we find cute in babies isn't the same as the things we find cute on adults. Nobody says, "what a cute roll of fat you have" or "aww, you gassy little person.". And if I puked on someone I know they wouldn't just smile and shrug it off. Children have it good. Drooling, farting, and fat is cute. Why does t have to change?

I know this post is random but I've been away from blogging again so my thoughts are very random.

Dassa is doing well. I still struggle in my faith to believe she is well but I think in the case of her allergies I do need to trust God. Potty training isn't going so well either. She has all the signs she is ready save the desire to go in her potty.

Daddy is doing well and as I mentioned him in my title I thought I better mention him in the post. He is outside cutting down trees.

One Month Later...

I have been meaning to blog but it just hasn't happened. I think I spend most of my time trying to play catch up with all the things I need to do. The rest of my time I am avoiding all the things I need to do.  A lot has happened though.

Owen is getting big and chubby and oh so grown up

Hadassah we are believing is healed from her allergies. She also is standing by the garbage picking guckies out of her nose and putting them into the garbage...

We have two new pets. A kitten named Pippen (hmm, it rhymes.) a puppy named Daisy. Daisy is a Wiener dog with a little Chi in her. Pip is the best toy we could have ever got Hadassah as she spends a lot of time playing with him.

We are all fighting colds at the moment. Some better than others.

Other than that my weight loss is going very very slowly. Much slower than it did after Dassa was born. Or at least that is how I feel...

The Energizer Bunny

I think after 17 1/2 years my little dg deserves his own post on the day he died. We always said he was like the energizer bunny and it is true until the end. He was deaf, blind and struggling with incontinence. It was decided that he needed a helping hand as he just kept going. Having him put down was the kind thin but my parent's place won't seem the same without him. After all he has been there since I was ten.

As tempting as it is for me to do a Eulogy for him most of my readers knew him anyways so I won't. But I am sad he is gone. There will never be another Dunamis and I am glad he was mine for so many years.

On my own...

Today is my first full day of just me an my two kidlets. It has just been Owen and I but now I am parenting two kids for a full day. What have I learned?

-they do not sync their nap times and needs in a way that benefits me
-Hadassah thinks Owen and I are boring
-As much as I love anything historical and have always imagined living in by-gone eras I would never have survived.

This last realization came to me as I was loading the dishwasher. I love my dishwasher. I hate loading and emptying it BUT without it I would have been washing the dishes by hand... or letting them pile up until my house was a filthy mess. Unless of course I happened to be a wealthy person then I'd definitely have a servant/slave. Perhaps, I would have been tougher back in the olden days but more than likely I'd have been more exhausted and run into the ground... And that is with just two kids.

On the other hand, I'd probably have died trying to give birth to Hadassah and therefore I'd be dead and not worrying about any of this. So I guess I just happened to be born in the correct era for me. Who know that God knew that?

Things are going well. It looks like my hernia repair surgery will be April 10. As much as I am dreading yet another surgery I am looking forward to it being done.

Owen is currently napping in his stretcher thingy and Hadassah is practicing her art on her magnetic board. It is actually quiet at the moment. That is why I am squeezing in blogging between Owen demanding food or to be held or Hadassah getting into things or demanding attention.

I spoke to soon. The princess is kissing my screen... time to go I guess.

Ready, set, lose weight!

Now that I am done giving birth I really feel I can knuckle down and lose my blubber. After Hadassah I did lose a lot of weight but at the back of my mind I did have that horrid thought of what's the point? No excuses now. So I have been thinking about how I will lose the extra weight. Currently I am just cutting back on the amount I eat. I have three more weeks until I can start exercising and that makes me impatient. By the end of summer I would love to be 135lb. That is my goal anyways and that is about 32lbs. Once I get there I will see how fit I am and how I feel and whether I want to go lower. I fluctuated between 120lbs and 125lbs pre-pregnancies but I'd rather be a bit heavier and a lot more fit. After Hadassah I got down to 140lbs and got stuck when I stopped exercising. So, my weight gain this pregnancy was significantly less.

The funny thin is, I don't think of my self as overweight. Oh if I look at my reflection too long I can get quite depressed but I still imagine myself skinny. Sometimes when I do catch my reflection I don't even recognize the person if the mirror. I don't want the now me to be the norm. And while my stretch marks and extra skin is not going to disappear I would like to be a healthy weight. The biggest place I notice the weight is when I ride (and it is not just because of the not so flattering riding pants!) I don't feel as balanced and I sure find a lot of things a lot harder.

I hope to stay accountable on the weight loss and hopefully don't overeat too much. Why I over eat is not some deep reason it is simply the fact that I love food and no longer have my high metabolism to fall back on. Pregnancy took care of that!

My lost kitty

So many things to blog about with my little son at home and I am blogging about my cat. Tirzah has been missing since Friday and I feel so hopeless about it. I know cats can come back after extended periods of time but I also know we have a lot of coyotes around. And even though Tirzah was quick and smart she wasn't a ninja or anything. It also was strange for her to disappear just when the temperatures dropped.

Now everyone is probably thinking stop talking about a dumb cat and talk about little Owen. He's cute, he poops and the reason I haven't been blogging is he eats all the time... No lie. And he is a slow eater too. And he wants to eat right now so this is a short update.

My scheduled C-section

I thought I'd share my personal experience with one for anyone who is curious. I'll try to remember what I can but as any new mother can attest life with a newborn can be kind of hazy.

February 6, Monday, 4:30am:

The alarm went off and it was time to get up and ready. I was tired as I hadn't slept overly well due to the fact that I knew I was going to be having a baby and major surgery. The whole thing seemed so surreal still.

Matt and I got ready, I drooled over the smell of his toasted egg sandwich and we headed for the hospital for my c-section. This was unknown territory for me as my first c-section I had no idea I was getting one until I got to the hospital. We got to Maternity at six and met the nurse. She settled us in our room and I got into my gown. I was of course asked a billion questions and repeated information that you get used to giving a hundred times like your last name, birth date and allergies.

The nurse put my iv in and gave me that lovely bitter stuff to drink. My surgery was going to be at 8:30 and so she waited to put in my catheter. That was when things got not so nice. Though the nurse was double checking everything (I even saw her do so) she accidentally put in a latex catheter.  And because I am such a wimp with medical procedures I found myself having trouble adjusting to having one in. It was bothering me and then it started burning. Time passed, the nurse change happened and then when I could stand it no longer I told Matt to go tell the nurses the catheter was feeling worse not better. Matt came back and told me the nurse was checking (she was an older nurse) to see if they put the wrong catheter in. Which was exactly what happened. So the whole time I was telling myself it was in my head my poor body was reacting to latex! Unfortunately, they had to immediately replace the latex one instead of waiting until I had the spinal because of swelling. They were worried they wouldn't be able to get the non-latex one in.

Shortly after the catheter was replaced we headed down to the OR. I was asked by the OR nurse all those same questions again and then we waited not too long and I was taken into surgery to get my spinal, my big fear. I did pretty good until the spinal was taking effect and then I almost passed out. Thankfully, I know what that feels like so they laid me down and I didn't pass out in the Maternity nurse's arms and have a seizure. I made it through that part but then I hyper-ventilated a bit. Matt was brought in and well, I don't remember the next part well as I was not doing so hot. After getting some oxygen and something in my IV I became a little more coherent. My doctor and the gyno/ob came in and the show was got on the road.

I cried when I heard the baby and also when they confirmed it really was a boy. It didn't take long for them to show him to me. He was so tiny and it made both Matt and I so happy to see him healthy and whole. After they cleaned him up they let me hold him while I was receiving my tubal. I was very alert and awake for this so I was glad Matt and I got this time.


Matt, baby, and the maternity nurse left the room and I was taken out shortly after. Instead of being in recovery alone, Matt, baby and the maternity nurse were there. This time around I got to do skin on skin immediately after having the baby and spent the majority of the time in recovery with my new baby and husband. When they did finally leave to take Owen upstairs I only had to stay in recovery for about ten more minutes. That was a lot nicer this time.

Recovery since then has been better I would say. I stayed in the hospital the full three days anyways because once you go home, you go home. Still, it is nice to be home with my little family. Dassa is quite good with her brother and only has the occasional neediness over me doing things with him. I also am enjoying having my husband home for a week.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow my son (possibly daughter) will be born. It seems so surreal. I feel like I'm forgetting something or missing something or just not ready. Our lives are going to change yet again. It is a big day as tonight will be my last night ever as a pregnant person. And that doesnt make me sad rather relieved which tells me we are making the right decision.

I don't think there is a wrong or right number of children to have but I do know for me to be pregnant again it wouldn't be fair to anyone including myself. Some people feel it is disobeying God's command to be fruitful and multiply but that is taking scripture way out of context. Hello, the world is already well populated!

I'm also nervous of recovery. I hate that feeling you have after surgery of not being quite right. I also am not a fan of surgery and that whole bit. But I am excited to have this baby and well I have little choice as he must come out!

Well, I should try to sleep. We have to be at the hospital by 6:00am (yikes!). Here is the last photo of my pregnant belly! And yes, he bumps into things a lot.

Heartbreak

A lot of you probably have learned about the twins who perished in the tragic house fire in Mackenzie. I learned about it this morning and felt so much pain for the family. If I, who doesn't even know the people, can feel the heartbreak I can't even imagine what they must be suffering. The what ifs and if onlys will be haunting them. They need our prayers desperately right now.

News Article

Have I ever told you?

Have I ever told you how wonderful my husband is? Sometimes I have to remind myself specially when I start getting cranky and critical (a cranky critical pregnant person? Imagine that.). When I feel frustrated with him I try to think of all the things he does right and THANK him for it. Just thinking of it is not good enough.

Like how he feeds the dog every morning and usually empties the dishwasher and reloads it before work. How he starts the fire for me and fills the inside wood box. He doesn't have to do these things and I don't ask. He just does them. He also let's me sleep in with minimal begrudging...

And how last night he brought me home Tim Hourton's French vanilla (yes I drink coffee whilst pregnant) and flowers just to say he loves me.

Yep, he is a keeper and I need to remember that whenever I'm feeling irritated or mad.

A feeling of relief

Yesterday I invited my parents over for lunch. It turned out well and the biggest highlight was that my house is now clean and supper is ready for tonight. Being able to just sit and relax without feeling guilty is so nice. I really should do this more often. I mean, I sit and relax a lot but usually I feel guilty because of all the things I should be doing instead.

I still have a lot of things I could be doing but the fact that my house is clean...

okay, my train of though is completely gone. My daughter just straddled my belly, sat on my hands and started hugging me. And now I can't get back in the flow.  But I think my point is relaxing guilt free is nicer than relaxing whilst feeling guilty... or that is what we'll say it was.

My c-section has been officially booked for Feb 6. I find out what time this Friday... Only one more weekend of it just the three of us. It is really hard to believe it is here. I've survived a second pregnancy! More importantly, those around me have survived though my husband may be scarred.

I am nervous about this but mostly because I hate that sicky feeling you have after surgery. I hate not feeling quite right and I also do not enjoy spinals. Not that I know of anyone who actually does... Last time it was a relief because I was in labour and suddenly the pain was gone. This time I will feel fine. I am also nervous about breastfeeding. I did not enjoy it with Hadassah. It was a year of frustration and though I know that was thanks to allergies I still was very relieved when she weaned herself. I'd like to say I am going to do it because it is best for baby but honestly it is because I don't want to pay for formula. Besides, the whole thing about children being less prone to allergies if they are breastfed seems a mute point to me now.

I would love for everyone to pray that things go well and I recover quickly. And that our son will not have the allergies Hadassah has.

12 Days

Until the baby is here. The date will be confirmed and booked on Friday. The only way it will be sooner is if I go into labour before.

What is new? Well, looks like we may not be naming our child Eugene. It has been up for debate recently. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have any names either of us will commit to that the other person likes. So we are waiting until he is born and then we will see. We get a month afterwards to decide so who knows. Why do boys names have to be so hard? The hardest part about naming a girl for us would be choosing out of many we like. But boy names we apparently disagree on...

So, I think we should go with Lord Septimus.

I am two!

So my little girl is now two. And he can say it too but never on command no matter how hard I try! It is crazy to think it has been two years. And then I think about how in two years I will have a 4yr old and a 2yr old and well time does fly!

Side note: my daughter is trying to copy the samurai dance on Backyardigans... Too funny but she is quite good at doing the suma one foot stomp!

Sorry, back to her birthday. Yesterday we had a big party for her. My mom let me have it at her place and I was thankful for that. I was so nice to have so many friends around and Dassa enjoyed every minute of it. But I must say I am quite glad my children will have birthdays so close together. I'll have a whole year to recover!

We also took Hadassah to the live Backyardigans show in Fort Saint John. She loved it. For her it was the perfect Birthday gift! But boy was it crazy and noisy!

And now there is nothing left to look forward to except having this baby!

It is late...

It is late and I should be sleeping but I can't. I feel drowsy and comfy at the moment so I don't mind. No aches and pains and no RLS (restless leg syndrome). My husband who is fighting a cold is lightly snoring beside me. If I do decide I can sleep that will have to stop. Baby is churning up a storm inside of me anxious to meet the world. I am anxious to meet him too.

What is he like? Some children are so different and some are very much the same. Will he be rowdy and hyper all the time when he is older or will he like to play with toys like Dassa? I do pray that he has no allergies or tummy trouble. I also hope that he isn't shy because though I have to keep an eye on Dassa at all times I really enjoy how outgoing she is. It makes group settings fun.

There are so many things to wonder about. His weight, his personality and his looks that I don't mind already knowing (or maybe knowing) his gender. I love talking to him and using a name. He is as much a part of my life now as he will be after birth. Of course I can't forget about him. I take him everywhere with me and he is a mover so he likes to let me know he is there... often.

I was told at the last ultra-sound that he is going to be a fair sized baby, even being born at 38 1/2-39 weeks. I don't know how right that is but the Gyno figured he would be about 8lbs to 8lbs 5oz. Hadassah was born at 41 1/2 weeks and weighted 8lbs 2oz and was 22inch. She was born looking like she was, an overdue baby. So if anybody wants to start guessing on weight and length go ahead.

A little boast...

Well, as a mother I love to boast about my toddler's accomplishments. While weight gain and athleticism are not something I can boast about I do occasionally have something. (though with me as her mother who expected her to be with her fellow peers in weight gain, or athleticism for that matter?). I can't boast about her speech development either because in one year she has not really learned a lot of words.

I can boast about the fact that she does not spend her day looking to get into things. Something she did not inherit from me. And I can boast that besides more attitude than 21lbs should have she is quite obedient. Still hasn't got out of her toddler bed without me in the room! I can boast about her cuteness (I'd also like to take credit for this specially since Daddy can't protest!). And I can boast about her fine motor skills and the fact she often puts her toys away without me even telling her too.

But that it not what I want to boast about today. Today I want to boast about her drawing skills. Yes, my daughter is an artist in the making. I'll be honest, I don't know what "they" say she should be able to draw but I do know to me she seems quite skilled. She also holds a pen correctly. Since Christmas and buying her skinny pipsqueeks by Crayola and a magnetic board she has really developed this skill. She tries to colour certain parts of her colouring page and she spends a lot of her time sitting with her drawing board on her lap.

Now I know she is a toddler, not even quite two and that this could all change tomorrow. But today, today I boast.

Detox and withdrawl

The time has arrived for Hadassah to be weaned from her soother. It took almost two years to get her addicted to the plug, much longer than expected. For all that time if we saw her thumb in her mouth we told her "no thumb" and replaced it with her soother. Then a few months ago she actually started looking for her "sue" herself and asking for it. She calls out "sue, where are youuuu?" It is very cute but unfortunately she still sucks her thumb. So, sue is just for nighttime and car rides (times when I cannot remind her not to suck her thumb.)


This is where the withdrawl comes in. I try to keep all soothers out of sight but the kid has them stashed everywhere. Ones I haven't seen for ages suddenly turn up in her mouth. And if she happens to see one it goes in her mouth or she cries and reaches for it if it is in sight but out of reach. When I take them from her at times she has bawled as though she has injured herself beyond repair. You would think the child was hurt not merely wanting her "fix".

Most of the time, so long as soothers are out of sight, she is good now. She plays and doesn't even miss her sue. But when I take it from her in the morning or after nap we usually have some sort of protest that happens. It has been rough but I think I do see light at the end of this tunnel.

Since the soother has become a nap time/ night time occurrence I must say it hasn't been hard getting her to go to bed. Some nights she even wants to go to bed early just to have her soother.

And as human being myself who has struggled with addictions I realize that it isn't easy. Reminding myself that her flinging herself on the floor in a fit because she can't have her "fix" is no different than how I feel when God tells me to let something go. Sometimes we do well but then we see or hear or have some sort of trigger that reminds us of what we have given up and then we feel like we are back to square one of giving whatever the addictions is to God.

In the case of an addiction that isn't sin when done in moderation it would often be easier to just give it up entirely. I know if I could take Hadassah's sue away from her and throw them all out it wouldn't take long her for her to forget about them. Of course that isn't really dealing with the addiction as her thumb would just replace the sue. And often, if we don't have a heart change we will just replace the addiction in our lives with something else. For instance a smoker will often turn to food for their oral fixation.

I know their are a lot of wholes in my examples today. For one, some people might not even understand why I am taking my daughter's sue away in the first place. She is after all just a tot and hardly "sinning". But this was just something I got out of the experience. And I am not saying that God doesn't tell you to completely give something up. Nor am I saying that it is wrong to completely give something up. But for me I often feel God is teaching me moderation rather than abstinence in the cases of such addictions as computers, tv, reading, and food.

So instead of not having sweets in my house I choose to have sweets in my house and control myself in how many I eat. It is the harder route for sure but it is where I feel I am at.

To town and back...

Today I had a doctor's appointment so I had to drag my butt out of bed this morning, wake up my grumpy child and get to town. I forgot my grocery list but I wasn't too sad. Grocery shopping at 34 weeks is not my idea of fun and usually after one store I am done, especially when I have Dassa with me. I don't know what I would do if she actually weighed a lot...

Everything is going good. Looks like Eugene (or Eugenia) will be born Feb 3 or 6. So close and yet so far away. Now it is time to get ready. To prepare that hospital bag and to get the cradle set up. I did get some clothes for the going home outfit. So cute.

Just a warning. Most of my posts are going to be about having this baby...  If they haven't been already!

My Last Month

It is hard to believe that in a little over a month there will be a little boy in my arms (or girl, won't that be a surprise?). One of the benefits of a scheduled c-section (which should be scheduled tomorrow for sure) is that you know when you are going to have the baby and can really, truly plan. Of course you have to be prepared for an early c-section. Matt can book his week off. Mom can arrange things to come and help. And I can make myself a chocolate advent calendar...

But as it approaches there are downsides to the event. Recovery being the big one. I hate surgery, I hate needles, I hate spinals and I hate that awful feeling of not being quite right after. And then of course I have another surgery in six weeks or so to look forward to. I definitely would not choose a c-section could I have it another way.

Christmas was wonderful and so was New Years. Seeing friends, having parties, eating food and opening presents. I am sad it is over. Yes, it was a lot of fun but the other reason is it helped give me something to look forward to that kept my mind of my pregnancy. Now all I have left is the waiting. And Hadassah's 2nd Birthday.

Happy New Year everyone and I hope you all had a wonderful holiday!