Sunday, 18 December 2011

Just a little longer

But I try not to think about it. Instead I think about Christmas next weekend and how it is already practically here. And after that I will think about the New Year. After that is Dassa's second birthday and then I can think about Baby finally being yanked from my womb (doesn't that just sound wonderful). What I try not to think about is no more sleep, recovering from surgery, making sure Dassa receives lots of love and of course having to have a hernia operation...

Instead I think about getting my body back to a size I am comfortable with, no longer having aching hips and having my hormones quiet it down a little bit. My husband pointed out to me today that he knew we were having a boy because I was so hormonal this pregnancy... I'm allowed to say that but hearing it from him well, I swallowed the angry words rising to my mouth and remained silent.

This will be our last natural child. Perhaps we will adopt or foster in the future but we do know we are done. Do I feel any pangs over this decision? No, not really. Right now the pregnancy is a walk in the park compared to when I was 32 weeks with Hadassah but even that isn't enough. Matt and I feel that two kids is really quite good. The world has got expensive, I am a terrible pregnant person and I honestly don't want to put myself through this again.

It is funny how we change our minds. Before my first pregnancy in the land of sunshine and roses we wanted five kids. During my pregnancy with Hadassah that number dropped rapidly to two. It never went back up. And do you know what my only disappointment is? That I don't get to use all the wonderful names I have! And due to Dassa's allergies I can't even collect cats and name them. Instead I guess we'll have to go with chickens.

I still plan to encourage and harass other people that they should have more kids. So long as nothing has been done to make that impossible I'll be all about other people having lots of babies. Hypocritical? maybe. But if anyone turns it back on me I'll just smile and say: "It is called Tubal Litigation, no more babies for me!"

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